My tom tom says "Estimated Arrival Time." I hear "Time to Beat."
Submitted by: giorgiss
My girlfriend has just texted both our names to 58888 and she says we're only 78% compatible.
I said, "Hang on. You've just paid 3.50 to be sent a random percentage, ...and you still think we are in any way compatible?"Submitted by: giorgiss
When I say I laughed out loud, I really mean that I made a kinda loud outward breath through my nostrils, similar to a bull.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Potatoes wrapped in tin-foil and kept in a cupboard become a welcome consolation if your house burns down.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I almost forgot to update my status that I'd been to the gym.
What a waste of a workout that would have been!Submitted by: giorgiss
I'd been with my girlfriend for around 3 years, when I finally popped the question.
Why are we still together?Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife felt me because I'm dyslexic.
Submitted by: giorgiss
It was no good, the judge had made his mind up.
"Please, you don't understand. I have six children and a wife. I can't go back in there, it'll kill me," I pleaded.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Smith," the judge replied, "but you have served your time and you are now a free man."Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife said we needed to communicate more. I knew she was right...
...so I gave her my email address.Submitted by: giorgiss
MOBILITY SCOOTER DRIVERS. Attach a string of bananas behind your vehicle for that exciting Mario Kart look.
Submitted by: giorgiss