The wife was livid that I had made a show of her in front of all my friends last night.
With hindsight, I probably should have hidden the web cam in the bedroom a bit better.Submitted by: giorgiss
I was trying to get a hot girl at the bar jealous, so I started slowly dancing and getting off with a potted plant.
It worked wonders, she was staring at me.Submitted by: giorgiss
I became the stag party organizer for my mate the other day. I found a great place we could go, I promised my mate the girls get wet for you and everything! He didnt seem impressed when we turned up at a childrens swimming pool.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I saw an old mate I hadn't seen for ages. "How's life in the fast lane?" I joshed.
"Not too good mate. My wife was involved in a multiple pile up on the motorway."
Hush, my mouth.Submitted by: giorgiss
There's feeling self-conscious ... And there's being a chimney sweep walking through Brixton.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I must abstain from licking windows, I'm putting the window cleaner out of buisness.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I was chatting up a girl in the pub last night, " if I could rearrange the alphabet...". " Let me guess? You'd put U and I together." she interrupted. " no" I said, " I'd be a better speller. I'm dyslexic".
Submitted by: giorgiss
I told my mate that he was easily amused.
But he just cracked up and shat himself.Submitted by: giorgiss
A naked girl lay on top of her boyfriend, 'something's getting big' she said.
The boyfriend replied, 'Glad you finally noticed! I can barely put it in your so fat.'Submitted by: giorgiss
When an old school friend found out my girlfriend studied at Oxford he sent me a text saying,''OMG,that's unbelievible because I studied at Oxford too.''
Not the dictionary he didn't.Submitted by: giorgiss
