I had to do a drama performance for my A-levels, except I was a bit nervous, so I took the good old advice of picturing everyone naked.
Shame my nan was in the audience.Submitted by: giorgiss
after i jokingly said to my girlfriend that her farts smell like dead babies, she totally freaked out
she's acting so weird since the abortionSubmitted by: giorgiss
Unfortunately it seems sneezing at the point of climax didnt release those innate Spiderman abilities I thought I had...
Submitted by: giorgiss
"My old man's a dustman. He wears a dustman's hat"
And that's why I get Mum to pick me up from school.Submitted by: giorgiss
If you sit on a toilet the other way round it's like a little chair and table where you can secretly eat and cry.
Submitted by: giorgiss
The nurse came up to my hospital bed to check my pulse.
"Wow." she said. "It's much faster than usual!"
"That's not my wrist you're holding, nurse."Submitted by: giorgiss
I gave my kid a smack on the bottom in the supermarket today. "You're very naughty" I shouted, as she ran off crying.
Yeah, my sixteen year old hates coming out with me.Submitted by: giorgiss
I must have been about 15 the first time I went to the pub.
I ordered vodka and couldn't believe I was getting served.
The trouble started when the barman asked me what I wanted in it.
Naively, I said "Milk and two sugars".Submitted by: giorgiss
Angry Birds,
the number one cause of hemorrhoids since 2009.Submitted by: giorgiss
My mom lost her credit card today, she accused everyone of taking it and got everyone really stressed, a family friend asked her, after an hour of looking, if it was in her bra.
Long behold she pulled it out and we all laughed at her.
We never found that card..Submitted by: giorgiss
