Little Johnny: "What's The difference between theoretically and realistically?"
Dad: "It's hard to explain. I tell you what, ask your mum if she would sleep with the milkman for a million quid and come and tell me what she says."
A couple minutes later,
Little Johnny: "She said, 'yes'."
Dad: "Now ask your sister if she'll sleep with the coal man for 2 million?"
A couple minutes later,
Little Johnny: "She said, 'yes'."
Dad: "That's your answer son. Theoretically we are sitting on 3M, but realistically we are just living with 2 slags."Submitted by: giorgiss
Little Johnny came home from school one day and went by his mum's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed naked moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mum lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"Submitted by: giorgiss
Little Johnny is in school and it is near christmas time so the kids are giving presents to the teacher.
Little Ross stands up to give his present. The teacher knows his parents are choclatiers. She takes the wrapped present and says, "This is a box of chocolates isn't it?". Ross says, "Yes miss how did you guess?" and she replies, "It was just a random guess Ross thank you."
Little Jenny stands up and the teacher knows her parents work at the local bakery. She takes the present and says, "This is a cake in a tin isn't it?" Jenny says, "Yes miss how did you guess?" and she again replies, "It was just a random guess Jenny thank you."
Little Johnny stands up and gives his present to the teacher. She knows his parents work at the brewery. She sees that the present is leaking so she takes a sip and says, "This is a can of Newcastle Brown Ale isn't it?" Little Johnny shakes his head. She takes another sip. "Right this is a bottle of Red Wine then?" Again, Johnny shakes his head. She eventually gives in and says, "Ok Johnny I give in what is it?"
And through his wide smile Johnny says, "A puppy miss!"Submitted by: giorgiss
Teacher : "Johnny stop copying Lucy. If Lucy jumped off a bridge, would you do it?"
Johnny: "Is that your saying, Miss?"Submitted by: giorgiss
Teacher asks "If I had seven oranges in one hand and 6 in the other, what would I have"
Little Johnny "Big hands"Submitted by: giorgiss
Little Johnny lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and Little Johnny hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and Johnnie determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so Little Johnny decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, Little Johnny asked why.
The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"
Little Johnny answered yes.
Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."
His dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree."Submitted by: giorgiss
Teacher asks little Johnny, "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Little Johnny replies, "H I J K L M N O."
"What are you talking about?", the teacher replied.
Little Johnny, "Yesterday you said it's H to O."Submitted by: giorgiss
Anybody else think that little johnny, is going to have quite a remarkable life story?
Submitted by: giorgiss
While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. "Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny. "Nope." replied Jimmy. "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?". Again Jimmy says "Nope." "You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.
Submitted by: giorgiss
TEACHER: Why are you late?
JOHNNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
JOHNNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Slow downSubmitted by: giorgiss
