I lost my kids in the middle of a shopping centre.
The chain obviously wasn't secure enough.Submitted by: giorgiss
I became the stag party organizer for my mate the other day. I found a great place we could go, I promised my mate the girls get wet for you and everything! He didnt seem impressed when we turned up at a childrens swimming pool.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I was in a restaurant this afternoon when to my surprise I spotted Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary, feeding his baby daughter.
"Open wide, here comes the aeroplane! Nyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr" he said, before shoving the spoon in her ear, claiming it was 'Mouth East', and demanding a 5 bib surcharge.Submitted by: giorgiss
A teacher asks one of her pupils what he did at the weekend...
"I took my dads air rifle and shot next door's cats, Miss," he replied.
She said, "That's awful, did your father punish you?"
"No," he replied. "Well, not while I still had the gun in my hand."Submitted by: giorgiss
Me and my girlfriend had a problem with washing my baby sons hair. He would always scream, kick and cry his eyes out. A friend suggested Johnsons 'No More Tears' shampoo. It worked a treat!
Smacked him round the head with the bottle twice and haven't heard a peep from him in 2 hours.Submitted by: giorgiss
I am going to name my next child Number 7. Then when he's wondering about his missing siblings, I'll explain to him how they didn't go to bed when I told them to.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I was telling my young son the story of the Billy Goats Gruff when he said, "He must be a rubbish troll if he just lives under a bridge scaring goats. I bet he doesn't even have an internet connection."
Submitted by: giorgiss
I found out yesterday that I have an 8 year old daughter and it moved me to tears.
You should see what I owe the CSA.Submitted by: giorgiss
I made my son a scale version of Noah's Ark with all the animals and everything using matches.
Shame he's not allowed to play with them.Submitted by: giorgiss
I was proud when my son told me he'd joined the commandos.
Until I found out he'd just thrown all of his underpants away.Submitted by: giorgiss
