Jokes in category: “lottery”:

The couple who won 161 million on EuroMillions say they'll be buying a ticket in the next lottery.
Hats off to the Weirs for nurturing our beliefs about Scottish people.

Submitted by: giorgiss

If we won the lottery tonight, it wouldn't change my wife one bit.
Because I wouldn't tell her.

Submitted by: giorgiss

My Nan got struck by lightning 24 times at the weekend. On hearing this, I did the honourable thing...
... and checked her lottery ticket.

Submitted by: giorgiss

BBC News headline: "OAP in record 113 million lottery win"
I've always preferred an older partner if you're reading this, my dearest love. xx

Submitted by: giorgiss

I feel sorry for Euromillions winners Chris and Colin Weir, now they've gone public they're going to get all sorts of unscrupulous low life pestering them for money.
"Would you like fries with that? would you like to go large for an extra 30p?...."

Submitted by: giorgiss

A bloke I know has just won 6.2m on the lottery.
Camelot have told him that the money will be in his bank tomorrow.
I'm going to stand outside the bank from 6am with a shotgun and wait for the van to turn up.

Submitted by: giorgiss

What goes from 0-60 in 0.1 seconds?
Facebook friends for Colin & Chris Weir.

Submitted by: giorgiss

My missus said to me "I've won a tenner on the lottery, look! 04, 03 and 10!"
I replied "That's the date love..."

Submitted by: giorgiss

I packed my bags and left my wife and kids last night after discovering I had a winning ticket on the lottery.
I soon went crawling back this morning, ten pound doesn't stretch very far.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I sed them three special words which makes every woman want me
National Lottery Winner

Submitted by: giorgiss