After Heinze's goal, Nigeria were always playing ketchup...
Submitted by: giorgiss
I only had 4 pints last night and this morning I've got a terrible hangover.
That's the last time I'm drinking whisky.Submitted by: giorgiss
Our dog gave birth today. It had a litter of eight puppies.
My wife said they were so cute she could just eat them up.
But was she grateful when I cooked one?!Submitted by: giorgiss
Whats white and can't climb trees?
A Fridge.Submitted by: giorgiss
After accidentally eating a fly, in the vein of the nursery rhyme,
I ate a spider, a bird, a cat, a dog, a goat, a cow and a horse.
Or, as it's more commonly known, a kebab.Submitted by: giorgiss
Boil a live lobster and you're a chef, boil a live kitten and suddenly it's a big deal.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Give an Ethiopian a meal and you feed him for a day....
Give an Ethiopian an aircraft meal and you can feed him for the rest of his life.Submitted by: giorgiss
Tesco Self-Service Checkouts
Making shoplifting 'a mistake' since 2008.Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife found a lump in her breast earlier.
According to the KFC helpline it was probably just a breadcrumb.Submitted by: giorgiss
"And what's the lady having?" asked the waiter, whilst my wife was in the toilet.
"I don't know" I replied. "Probably a wee".Submitted by: giorgiss
