Jokes in category: “food and drink”:

I started chatting to this plump girl in a bar.
"Oh God," she moaned, "you smell gorgeous. What is it?"
"Pies," I said.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Following on from the discovery that it's possible to go faster than the speed of light, scientists today found a temperature lower than Absolute Zero.
It was observed in a sausage roll from Greggs

Submitted by: giorgiss

My mate finally finished writing his book about cooking with herbs. It's about thyme.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I saw a bloke yesterday collecting horse muck, so I asked him what It was for.
He said, "I'm putting It on my rhubarb."
"That's odd", I replied, "I usually put custard on mine."

Submitted by: giorgiss

I always go up to girl in a club and whisper in her ear...
"I can touch the bottom of a Pringles can when erect."
God bless snack size pots.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Life is like a box of chocolates.
Sometimes you just end up with nuts in your mouth.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I was just eating a packet of crisps and noticed a message on the back:
'NOT TO BE SOLD SEPARATELY'
Who in their right mind would want to buy just one crisp?

Submitted by: giorgiss

I rang my wife at work today and said, "Do you fancy going for a few drinks and something to eat after work?"
"Yes," she said, "I would love to."
I said, "Great, will you get a case of lager and three large pizzas, all the lads are coming round to play poker."

Submitted by: giorgiss

I don't understand the huge fuss over Levi Roots' Reggae Reggae sauce.
When I worked in McDonald's, I added my own "jerk seasoning" to the burgers for years.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I have just had a bitter row with the missus.
She thinks Tetley's is better than Boddingtons.

Submitted by: giorgiss