Jokes in category: “food and drink”:

Yahoo News
"Orange signs iPhone deal with Apple"
That has to be the healthiest headline ever.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I've been advised to stop eating fish, on medical grounds.
Apparently I'm putting off the others in the waiting room.

Submitted by: giorgiss

When I got home from work today I asked the wife what she put on my sandwiches
"Crab paste, dear," she replied.
"Crab paste?" I replied. "Where did you get that from?"
"The Chemist," she replied.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I love my job. Colleagues have been writing names on the food in the office fridge - I am currently eating a yoghurt called Debbie. How cute!

Submitted by: giorgiss

Hamburgers - beef does all the work, pork gets all the credit.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I work as an inspector on these street stalls that sell fruit and veg, and one guy was still selling his fruit in pounds and ounces. "You do realise you have to go metric now" I said. He nodded "Look I'll overlook it but you have to get these in kilos and grams by the next time time I come round" He nodded again. I thought I was being reasonable don't you?
And lo and behold by the time I'd come round again a month later, he still hadn't bothered to change
Which just proves it. You give them 2.54cm, they'll take 0.914m

Submitted by: giorgiss

I don't know what people like so much about Pot Noodles.
They're too dry and crunchy.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I just bought some large chips from McDonalds.
That should be enough to de-ice my driveway.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Walkers are set to launch their Comic Relief range of crisps in Korea, where 'Jack Russell Howard' is expected to be the favourite.

Submitted by: giorgiss

A man goes into a restaurant and asks, "Waiter, how do you prepare the chicken?"
"It's nothing special," he replies. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die!"

Submitted by: giorgiss