I was interviewed by the police this afternoon. During the interview, they asked me if I knew anything about the recent spate of racist attacks on a black family living locally. They alleged someone had graffitied their house with racist slogans and carried out a string of physical attacks on the family.
I said, "Yes officer, that was me."
To which the interviewing officer replied, "Congratulations, sir, you've got the job. If you head down to stores, they'll sort you out with your new uniform. You start on Monday."Submitted by: giorgiss
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?
I give it to them, replied the lawyer, and then I send them a bill.
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyerSubmitted by: giorgiss
I'm not a Gynaecologist,
but I'll take a look.Submitted by: giorgiss
So, Team GB keep dropping the baton in the relay race.
We should have got the police to run for us, their great at beating a bunch of darkies with batons.Submitted by: giorgiss
The other day I asked my hairdresser if I could have highlights,and he showed me a video of past haircuts.
Submitted by: giorgiss
A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot if you run from a fat policeman...
Submitted by: giorgiss
If you were to take all of the students in the UK who fall asleep in their lectures and lay them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Actual Medical Chart Notes
*Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
*Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
*On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.
*The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
*Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
*Healthy-appearing decrepit, 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
*The patient refused autopsy.
*The patient has no previous history of suicides.
*Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
*Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.
*She is numb from her toes down.
*Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
*I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
*Skin: somewhat pale but present
.
*The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.Submitted by: giorgiss
Surely the Society of Indexers should be known as, Indexers, society of, The.
Submitted by: giorgiss
What's the difference between George Sampson and London coppers?
At least when George Sampson beat two Muslims he did it on live TVSubmitted by: giorgiss
