Went to the doctors today. I asked the bloke sitting next to me what he was in for.
"Terrible piles," he said.
"Is that why you're sitting on that bean bag?"
"What bean bag?" he replied.Submitted by: giorgiss
All my life I have been looking for a cheery Fortune Teller, but I just can't find that happy medium.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Whizzing backwards in my wheelie chair to get a book from the other side of my office makes me feel like a dynamic go-getter.
Awkwardly waddling back to my desk again, not so much.Submitted by: giorgiss
I remember when the policeman asked me if I was going to come quietly.
I said, "I'll try, but those handcuffs really excite me."Submitted by: giorgiss
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked,
"What's the matter?"
He said,
"I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She was talking to the doctor!"Submitted by: giorgiss
A woman was in the doctors for a check up when he said, "I have some good and bad news."
The woman asked for the bad news, to get it out the way, and the doctor told her she had roughly 7 months to live, as she had a brain tumour.
The woman then asked for the good news and the doctor said, "Congratulations, you are one month pregnant."Submitted by: giorgiss
Due to a threatened strike over pay by Aylesbury firemen, a poll was taken. As a result, 7 members of blue watch fell through a hole in the floor.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I walked into a dentist's office. The dentist asked me what the problem was.
I said, "I'm a moth."
The dentist said, "You're a moth?"
I said, "Yes! I'm a moth. I act like a moth. I think like a moth. I'm a moth!"
The dentist said, "Sir, I think you want the psychiatrist's office. He's two doors further down the hall."
I said, "I know. I was on my way there, but your light was on."Submitted by: giorgiss
Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later ..." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whisky, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyser test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"Submitted by: giorgiss
A stunning blonde went to see her GP.
"Miss Tracy Johnson, how can I help you?" asked the doctor.
"It's my memory doctor, I can't remember a thing five minutes after I've done it," said Tracy.
"Just take off all your clothes and lie down," said the doctor.Submitted by: giorgiss
