Unicorns do exist.
Only they're fat, grey and we call them rhinos.Submitted by: giorgiss
I've named my dog "Cash Reward"' so if it ever goes missing and I put up posters people will look for him, but I won't have to pay up when he's found.
Submitted by: giorgiss
An old farmer's dog goes missing and he is inconsolable.
His wife says to him, "why don't you put an ad in the paper to get him back".
The farmer does this, but after two weeks the dog is still missing.
"What did you write in the paper?" asked his wife.
"Here boy," said the farmer.Submitted by: giorgiss
What do elephants and grapes have in common?
They both have trunks, except for the grapes.Submitted by: giorgiss
My neighbour has just walked past with two dogs.
I said, "I didn't know you had any dogs."
She said, "They're not my dogs, they're my sisters."
I said, "Your sisters are very ugly."Submitted by: giorgiss
Got a cat the other day.
Had to swerve to get it,
but I got it.Submitted by: giorgiss
"Eat your dinner," I said to my young son.
"I don't want to!" he replied, pushing his plate away.
"Look, I know you're upset about the death of your dog," I began, "but as long as you avoid the fur, he's actually quite delicious."Submitted by: giorgiss
My daughter's guinea pig committed suicide today.
I was driving home from the vet's deliberating whether we could justify the 80 the vet wanted to perform an operation, when, inexplicably, it leapt right out of the car window.Submitted by: giorgiss
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies" he responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" she asked.
"Yes, three males and two Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"
He replied, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."Submitted by: giorgiss
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle.
It makes the neighbour's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.Submitted by: giorgiss
