As the plane lurched violently, I screamed out, "Oh my God! We're all going to die!"
The guy next to me said, "Pull yourself together man.. That's no way to act."
"You're right," I apologised, before switching on the intercom. "Ladies and Gentleman, this is your Captain speaking.... We're all going to die!"Submitted by: giorgiss
Just been to the pound shop, pregnancy test kits next to condoms. Confidence inspiring.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Due to the rising prices of everyday items, iv had to milk my cereal for every penny.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Alan Hansen once famously quoted that you "won't win anything with kids."
Well, I beg to differ Alan, as my Best Young Goats in Show medal will testify.Submitted by: giorgiss
Climbing to the summit of Mount Everest was the highest point in my life.
It all went downhill from there.Submitted by: giorgiss
I remember my girlfriend looking up at me, as I stuck it in for the first time; pumping away, trying not to get too excited while a man watched us through a window.
Filling up fuel for the first time was quite the experience.Submitted by: giorgiss
I've had one of those Saniflo toilets installed and I can thoroughly recommend them.
The wife isn't so sure though. She thinks it looks out of place in the dining room.Submitted by: giorgiss
With his trousers down round his ankles he said.. "Look, They're small, smelly, and this one no longer stands up on command"
.... "Sargent, when I asked how your privates were doing, that's not exactly what I had in mind.."Submitted by: giorgiss
I saw a homeless guy selling magazines. He had tied them to a post to stop thieves from taking them.
I thought, "that guy has trussed issues"Submitted by: giorgiss
"Have you given any more thought about kids?" my wife asked me.
"Yes I have actually," I replied.
"Brilliant!" she said, "So what do you think?"
"I reckon they'll be OK for another half an hour. Pint or half?"Submitted by: giorgiss
