I met Claire only a week ago, but she dumped me yesterday when deciding our names for each other.
She called me her Silly Banana and so I called her my Tasty Vegetable..
Perhaps it wasn't the best name for a quadruple amputee.Submitted by: giorgiss
An old fella fell down in the street outside my house this afternoon and smashed his head on the pavement. He was laying on his back like a dying beetle, legs twitching. Blood gushing everywhere from a head wound. It was an awful sight.
So I decided to do something about it.
I closed my curtains.Submitted by: giorgiss
I was in the garden earlier when I pointed over to our neighbours garden and said to my wife;
"Look at those fat red tomatoes!"
She didn't appreciate how rudely I was referring to Mr and Mrs Grant.Submitted by: giorgiss
Your momma's so fat...well, that's it really...
Submitted by: giorgiss
My friend thought it was funny to put jam in my hat as a prank.
I felt the need to get him back so I put super glue in his boxers and laxatives in his cereal.Submitted by: giorgiss
Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I'm sober. Sober people when I'm drunk.
Submitted by: giorgiss
You just know a girl is fat when you ask "what's your best feature?" and they reply "my curves"
Submitted by: giorgiss
I had an accident three years ago.
He's sitting next to me.Submitted by: giorgiss
I'm releasing a new product this winter called 'Chocihot', its a chocolate bar designed to make you feel warm inside.
My slogan is going to be 'Chocihot kills!'
Lambert and Butler had the same idea and they are selling in the millions...Submitted by: giorgiss
I always find people are more generous when they don't know they're giving.
Submitted by: giorgiss
