Scientists have discovered that some fish have paedophile tendencies.
Specifically, the ones that swim outside the school.Submitted by: giorgiss
At the height of the arms race, the Western World and Russians realised that, if they continued, they would someday end up destroying the world. So they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with a dogfight.
The negotiators agreed that each country would take five years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its country the right to rule the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian Wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy from each litter, killed all the other puppies and fed the lone dog all of the milk. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine, until, after the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on his cage. Only the trainers could handle this beast.
When the day of the big fight arrived, the British showed up with a strange animal: It was a nine-foot-long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for us. No one else thought this weird animal stood a chance against the growling beast in the Russian camp. The bookies predicted the Russians would win in less than a minute.
The cages were opened. The Dachshund waddled toward the centre of the ring. The Russian dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant sausage-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Brits dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Russian beast in one bite. There was nothing left but a small bit of fur from the killer dog's tail.
The Russians approached the British trainers, shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not understand. Our top scientists and breeders worked for five years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans and Rottweilers. They developed a killing machine."
"Really?" the Brits replied. "We had our top plastic surgeons working solidly for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund..."Submitted by: giorgiss
There's incredible chemistry between me and my wife right now.
She's currently dissolving in an oil drum filled with hydrochloric acid.Submitted by: giorgiss
Gravity gets me down, man.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Free iPad for all iPhone users.
Just hold it closer to your faceSubmitted by: giorgiss
All these different shops are getting ridiculous, Toys R Us, Carpets R Us.
There's one near me that sells right angled triangles.
Pythag R UsSubmitted by: giorgiss
I love the three types of radiation. I like alpha and gamma but I prefer the other type, I think it's beta.
Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife is like a Nitrogen and Silver mix
NAg, NAg, NAgSubmitted by: giorgiss
I reckon when we eventually invent the technology to travel millions of light years and get to alien civilisations, we should just leave patterns on their crops and leave.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Following on from the discovery that it's possible to go faster than the speed of light, scientists today found a temperature lower than Absolute Zero.
It was observed in a sausage roll from GreggsSubmitted by: giorgiss
