Jokes in category: “transport”:

I had a job interview at London Midland today. I walked into the room then straight out.
They got that impressed that I was asked if I could start immediately

Submitted by: giorgiss

I was driving along the other day and I saw a sign saying 'Keep your eyes on the road'.
I'm sat there thinking, how can I keep my eyes on the road if I'm reading the sign?

Submitted by: giorgiss

Some people say my Altima looks like me.
A G that got beat with the ugly stick.

Submitted by: giorgiss

My girlfriend is like the Tube on a weekday.
Dirty, overused, and people pay money and wait in queues to get into her.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Did you hear about the guy who tried to use his atlas to get past the tube barriers?
He thought the world was his Oyster.

Submitted by: giorgiss

My boss said. "You've been early every day this year so far. I take it the traffic jam issues you had last year are gone?"
"Yeah, I traded in my car."
"For public transport? Good man."
"For an ambulance."

Submitted by: giorgiss

I drive a steam roller.
Most people prefer a petrol or diesel engine, but I wanted my Rolls Royce to be unique.

Submitted by: giorgiss

There was an Asian guy working on airport security when I checked in earlier today.
So I strip searched him and put him through the metal detector before sending him on his way.

Submitted by: giorgiss

When approaching a zebra crossing on foot, always sniff back some snot into the back of your throat. That way, you're always well-equipped, should a driver decide not to stop.
Works especially well with top-down convertibles.

Submitted by: giorgiss

My sat nav packed up the other day and I got lost. Luckily I saw a fork in the road.
This enabled me to ask the driver of the cutlery lorry, which was upside down in a ditch, which way the A1 was.

Submitted by: giorgiss