I was driving through a village today. Speeding, driving on the wrong side of the road, hit a lampost and even ran over a few locals.
Yet as I left the village the sign still thanked me for driving carefully.Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife's driving me up the wall at the moment.
No, really, she mounted the pavement and we smashed into the side of the local Co-Op.Submitted by: giorgiss
My train company has put the cost of my season ticket up by 300.
I wasn't going to stand for that but all the seats were taken....Submitted by: giorgiss
Saw a white painted jet today.
Was kinda plane...Submitted by: giorgiss
My girlfriend ditched me earlier... that's the last time I let her drive.
Submitted by: giorgiss
My friend went for a run today and got killed by a careless driver. Runways have such a misleading name.
Submitted by: giorgiss
A businessman was having real trouble getting a very heavy and lumpy bag onto the aircraft and into the overhead compartment. It took two stewards to help him, and once it was up and secure one steward asked breathlessly 'Do you always travel with such heavy and awkward luggage?' He replied 'Oh no, sometimes it's my turn to be in the bag...'
Submitted by: giorgiss
I think deploying the army to help Olympic security may be a ploy to help us win more medals. Our record with foreigners, armed security and the London underground, isn't the best around.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Whilst we were driving home I was trying to show my wife the correct use of the throttle.
It's by far the best way to shut the kids up.Submitted by: giorgiss
I shouted at our female postie this morning.
"Get out of that driving seat! It's a Mail Van."Submitted by: giorgiss
