My Grandad is always complaining about how much things cost.
"Two quid for a cup of tea?!"
I said, "Well you just popped round, I didn't invite you!"Submitted by: giorgiss
I was talking man to man with my 18 year old son when I said, "You'll have kids of your own one day."
He replied, "So will you, dad."Submitted by: giorgiss
I'm so glad that this is my last child support payment. Month after month, year after year, no more payments!
So I called my daughter, Jane, to come over to my house. When she got there, I said to her, "I want you to take this last cheque over to your mother's house and tell her that this is the last cheque she's ever going to get from me. And I want you to come back and tell me the expression that's on her face."
So Jane took the cheque over to her. I was really anxious to hear what she had to say. As Jane walked through the door, I said, "Now what did she have to say?"
"She told me to tell you that you ain't my daddy, and to watch the expression on your face."Submitted by: giorgiss
My son is at that age when he's started crawling.
You know the age, "You're the best dad, can I have a tenner?"Submitted by: giorgiss
I saw the photos of his kids on my boss's desk- "You must feel blessed to have two beautiful children," I told him.
"Well, actually I've got three kids," he answered.
"I know," I said.Submitted by: giorgiss
The other day, I visited an old people's home as part of my community service.
I asked one of the old men, "How do you feel living here?"
He replied, "I feel like a new born baby."
I thought, "How wonderful," and asked him, "Why do you feel that way?"
To which he replied, "I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just shat myself."Submitted by: giorgiss
Looking forward to rear of the year.
I'm entering my sisters.Submitted by: giorgiss
I walked in from work today and my wife looked upset in a panic.
"Our daughter's been missing since 8 o'clock this morning," she wept. "It's 9pm now!"
"Quick, phone the police," I said. "And throw me the car keys."
"Call me if you find her," she cried, as I walked out the door.
"Sure will," I replied. "But I doubt she's gonna turn up at Dave's on poker night."Submitted by: giorgiss
My teenage daughter had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then hung up.
"That was quick," I said. "You usually talk for at least two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," she replied.Submitted by: giorgiss
My Grandad is going senile. When he saw a sign saying "Wet Floor".
He did!!!Submitted by: giorgiss
