There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful blonde teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and, sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child.
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."Submitted by: giorgiss
An alcoholic is sitting outside his home after just being divorced, and notices a crate of empty beer bottles. He takes out an empty bottle and smashes it into the wall screaming,"You are the reason I don't have a WIFE now". He smashes the second bottle screaming,"You are the reason I don't have my children!" He smashes the third bottle screaming,"You are the reason I don't have a job!". Then he notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer and says, "Stand aside my friend. I know you weren't involved."
Submitted by: giorgiss
I was driving on the motorway last week when I noticed a sign that said "Turn off - 500 metres".
Sure enough, 500 metres later, on the side of the road was my Granny with no knickers, lifting up her dress.Submitted by: giorgiss
My Jewish friend makes his wife walk five steps behind him,
in case he drops any money.Submitted by: giorgiss
"Dad, can you do my maths homework for me?"
"No son, it wouldn't be right."
"Well, at least you could try."Submitted by: giorgiss
Parents. It's people like them that give us a bad name.
Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife and I have been arguing about whether we should spank our six-year-old daughter or not.
I say yes and my wife says I should wait until she's done something wrong.Submitted by: giorgiss
My Grandad was telling me how hard it was at Dunkirk.
Trying to get to the beach in double-quick time before the boats left wasn't easy: the terrain was rough and he really hadn't got to grips with his new Panzer tank at all.Submitted by: giorgiss
I gave my dad an 'e'
Now he's dead.Submitted by: giorgiss
It's amazing how having a baby can change some people.
My wife used to be quite attractive.Submitted by: giorgiss
