A woman's mind is just like a Rubik's cube... Much easier to figure out when you smash it to pieces with a brick.
Submitted by: giorgiss
A wife says to her husband, "You make love like you decorate."
Her husband replies, "What, very slow and professional?"
"No," she replies, "I have to finish myself."Submitted by: giorgiss
Siamese twins walk into a pub in Ontario and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the landlord: "Don't mind us, were joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers: draft, please."
The landlord, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year and hire a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?"
Jim agrees.
"Ah, England!" says the landlord. "Wonderful country: the history, the beer, the culture..."
"Nah, we don't like that British stuff," says John. "Hamburgers and Molsons beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English!"
"So why keep going to England?" asks the landlord.
"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."Submitted by: giorgiss
Top Tip:
Forget rip off sites like Friends Reunited and Genes Reunited. If you want to get in contact with long lost friends or relatives...
Simply win the lottery.Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife and her sister are twins and look alike in almost every way. Her sister lives with us.
One time I came home from work to find her in the shower so I got undressed got into the shower with her, started touching her and said, "How about some quiet one-on-one time without your sister being home?"
Then I realised I had made a terrible mistake.
It was my wife.Submitted by: giorgiss
Those footsteps on the roof can mean only one thing!
My dad's gone and joined fathers for justice...Submitted by: giorgiss
I was asked to describe my relationship with my father...
"Beats me," I replied.Submitted by: giorgiss
the difference between me and you is you came out of your mum, and i came in her
Submitted by: giorgiss
I went to see my daughter's ballet dancing show yesterday and ended up getting thrown out.
To be fair, I shoudn't have stuffed money down the front of her Tutu, but she was good.Submitted by: giorgiss
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.Submitted by: giorgiss
