My wife is that lazy she's been pregnant for 18 months.
Submitted by: giorgiss
They say nothing compares to a mothers love.
I remember her fondly saying "dont come running to me if you break your leg" and "Dont come crying to me when your father makes you suck him off".
Makes me feel sorry for anyone from an unloved family,that must have been horrible.Submitted by: giorgiss
When I was a child, we were very poor, so I never had any toys to play with. In fact all I had to play with was a transistor...
Well, my brother in my mum's clothes.Submitted by: giorgiss
Quasimodo was dancing in a nightclub with this really fit bird when suddenly she noticed a big bulge in his pocket.
"Quasi! You naughty boy! Whats that bulge in your pocket?" The girl purred
"Oh!" Said quasi "its a picture of my dad"Submitted by: giorgiss
The mother-in-law moaned all the way on the journey from Dublin to Kerry.
She's was even moaning when I was taking her down off the roof rack.Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife was in the bathroom the other day and shouted, "Ewwww there's a spider!"
I thought to myself, "Has it really been that long?"Submitted by: giorgiss
Son : daddy I cant stop walking around in circles. Dad : shut up or I ll nail your other foot to the floor.
Submitted by: giorgiss
The banks are like family.
Always there for you, but if you need money
They don't know who you are.Submitted by: giorgiss
I saw my daughter about to go out. She was wearing little more than a training bra and a miniskirt, so I said to her, "Louise, I can't let you go out dressed like that."
"Why not?" she asked.
Knowing that she could be very naive, it was hard for me to say anything but, "I don't like what you're wearing."
"Dad?"
"Just trust me, I don't."
"What's wrong with it?"
"There's something about what you're wearing that really rubs me the wrong way..."Submitted by: giorgiss
Me and my girlfriend were discussing the things we have in common the other day, it turns out thers quite a lot.
The same colour eyes
We like the same genre of music
We went to the same school
We even found out we have the same dad...Submitted by: giorgiss
