Jokes in category: “health”:

Me and my wife just had a blazing row 'cause she says I'm just a fat slob
I don't know what she's talking about, I do 100 sit-ups every morning, trying to get out of bed

Submitted by: giorgiss

"Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air." I actually tried this action. It was only after I cut off my hands that I realised I could no longer throw them.

Submitted by: giorgiss

So I was talking to one of those health gurus the other day and he said to me,
"Well, you eat too much, drink too much and sleep too much. To lose some weight you need to do more exercise."
"Don't be an idiot," I replied. "If I do more exercise then I'll be more hungry, more thirsty and more tired."

Submitted by: giorgiss

When you get out of bed in the morning, can you count that as a situp?

Submitted by: giorgiss

I just saw an advert for Lanacane to stop chafing.
Alternatively, fat people could buy clothes that fit.

Submitted by: giorgiss

When you bust open a packet of soothers suddenly everyone has a bad throat

Submitted by: giorgiss

To all those who have sponsored me to run the Great North Run to raise money for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness.
I've decided not to run; I'm a bit tired and can't really be bothered.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Self-harm jokes aren't funny. But if you do happen to make one, don't beat yourself up over it...

Submitted by: giorgiss

To me, good exercise is soaking in a tub, pulling the plug, and fighting the current !

Submitted by: giorgiss

I go to the gym
Because deep down we all know when the aliens come their going to eat the fatties first.

Submitted by: giorgiss