My girlfriend just text me saying: "Come home now if you want an extravaganza ;)"
I'm really excited, I don't even know what a Vaganza is.Submitted by: giorgiss
My girlfriend asked me why I don't like spending too much time with foreplay.
I asked her to strongly reconsider renaming our son.Submitted by: giorgiss
It was tough growing up with strict parents as a deaf kid.
At meal times I was always told off for speaking with my hands full.Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife phoned me and said; "I'm never gonna dance again..."
"Guilty feet have got no rhythm?" I asked.
"No" she replied, "I've been hit by a van."Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife was flicking through holiday brochures and asked "What would you say to a short cruise?"
"I'd probably say 'can I have your autograph please Tom?'" I replied.Submitted by: giorgiss
I went to an interview for a job at the local fish mongers yesterday.
I didn't get it. Their idea about how to "bone a fish" was very different to mine.Submitted by: giorgiss
Everybody makes mistakes, take god for example. When the first European's prayed for all black men to be hung, there must have been a slight mix up.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I asked my wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"Ooh, I don't know," she giggled, "Surprise me!"
So I've got her an inflatable crocodile. She'll never be expecting that.Submitted by: giorgiss
After months of putting up with my daughter's begging I've finally agreed that she can have a barbie for Christmas.
I prefer a traditional turkey roast myself, but it will be worth it to see the smile on her little face when I put those flame grilled sausages on her plate.Submitted by: giorgiss
Paddy is fitting a kitchen in a posh house when the woman asks him if he'd like something to drink. Paddy accepts and soon after the woman brings him a mug of coffee.
"Excellent coffee, to be sure," says Paddy.
"Thank you," says the woman. "My husband brought it back from Brazil."
"That's great," says Paddy, "and it's still warm as well."Submitted by: giorgiss
