Someone tried selling me a copy of the big issue the other day.
I said 'No thanks, this shoe fits fine'.Submitted by: giorgiss
I tried hard not to laugh when I realised that my mate didn't know the difference between a paediatrician and paedophile.
Then I asked to be left alone to complete the examination on his son.Submitted by: giorgiss
The first time I saw the film cast away I spent the next three weeks screaming "WILSON" at every ball I saw
and that's why I'm no longer allowed in the men's locker room at the gymSubmitted by: giorgiss
My wife sent me out to get a baby monitor for our newborn.
I got a 24 inch from Argos, it was the smallest they had.Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife's been saying she'd love to meet a real-life Mr Grey.
Stupid cow should've paid more attention when we watched Reservoir Dogs.Submitted by: giorgiss
My dealer said we need to start doing business on the down low and try and take some of the heat away.
So now I lie on the floor selling crack with all of the windows open.Submitted by: giorgiss
After taking 3 hits of meth, I ran around in circles for 10 minutes before finally throwing up on girl #3 who then burst into tears.
I'm pretty sure I'm done with speed dating.Submitted by: giorgiss
English Proverb: As you make your bed, so you must lie in it.
Takes me ages changing the covers while I'm still laying on the bed.Submitted by: giorgiss
My parents kept saying it was traditional for the men to be at the birth of the first born in our family, so I did think it strange?
My cousin's reaction when I arrived in the maternity room .. and his wife's.Submitted by: giorgiss
The other day, I was walking down the road when I realised somebody was following me. Being scared, I started to run and so did he.
He shouted "stop, Police!"
What an Idiot! My name's Paul.Submitted by: giorgiss
