Jokes in category: “misunderstanding”:

The Wife Said She Was Leaving Me To Become A Hooker...
I Wonder What Rugby Team She's Gonna Play For?

Submitted by: giorgiss

I thought I'd see what all the fuss is about, and try snorting some 'bath salts' to get high.
All that happened was I got myself kicked out of The Body Shop.

Submitted by: giorgiss

A homeless man approached me today and said, "Have you got the price of a cup of tea mate?"
I replied, "Yeah, It's 50p at that cafe across the road."

Submitted by: giorgiss

I'm all for disabled athletes being treated equal, but I can't help feeling that some get an advantage.
I just heard that for the South African relay team tomorrow, Oscar Pistorious is going to being running a 3rd leg.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Drinking 'no more tears' shampoo has actually taken my mind off of being depressed!
And put it on vomitting, diarrhea, and stomach cramps.

Submitted by: giorgiss

My friends and I were sat chatting about women and what size clothes they wear.
"I prefer my women in a size ten" said one guy.
"oh, I like a nice comfy 14, what about you?" another asked me,
"I like age 8/9". Was my reply.
I was asked to leave.

Submitted by: giorgiss

There's a new movie coming out about the Rapture today.
Apocalypse Not Now.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I wouldn't go on the dole for all the money in the world.

Submitted by: giorgiss

The optician in Specsavers led me to the examination room. When we got inside she, turned off the light and sat directly across from me. She then smiled at me, asked me to put my chin on some sort of head rest and mentioned something about a 'blowing sensation'
And that, your honour, is why I thought she wanted me to remove my trousers

Submitted by: giorgiss

I was holding my best mates baby today. As the baby started to scream the wife chuckled,"Ha-ha" she said, "I think she's saying 'Put me down now'"
I said, "Alright, you're ugly."

Submitted by: giorgiss