Jokes in category: “mythical”:

Vampires won't bother with Keith Richards.
You can't get blood from a stone.

Submitted by: giorgiss

One of my cats is called Maddie. Literally just for the grave stone in the garden when she dies.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Given the speed at which the human body actually decomposes in the open air, and is completely eaten away by flies, maggots, and bacteria, it seems that all we have to do to survive the zombie apocalypse is just stay indoors for a few days.

Submitted by: giorgiss

This Hallowe'en I'm saving money on zombie DVD's. I live in Stoke, it's chucking out time and I've just opened the curtains

Submitted by: giorgiss

What's long, makes women wet and makes men disgusted if someone gets it out?
A Twilight DVD

Submitted by: giorgiss

My workmates accused me of being delusional.
So I downed my pint of unicorn tears and flew away on my Pegasus.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Really Professor, Do you really believe there are such creatures as vampires?
"Herr Doctor, there are many things in this world that we simply cannot comprehend
So these small puncture marks on her neck are from the fangs of this devilish fiend?!
Im afraid so, draining the very life out of her in the process
She looks so peaceful and beautiful, I cant believe shes dead
Shes not! She is what we call one of the undead
I take it Professor she would have all human responses but retain no consciousness of anything that took place in this realm?
Exactly!
Are .. you.. thinking what Im thinking Professor?
Yes! Ill close the curtains. You go first, Herr Doctor, I dont mind sloppy seconds.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I was thinking of putting fangs on my canine teeth to make me look more like a vampire and have the many girls who read the Twilight series chasing after me.
But I think perhaps with my weight problem, I'd look more like a baby walrus.

Submitted by: giorgiss

How tragic would it be if a vampire got AIDS off of one of it's victims?

Submitted by: giorgiss

I told my vampire friend I had a cure for his affliction.
He thought he would never see the day.

Submitted by: giorgiss