I fed my children some radioactive laxatives the other day....You should have seen their little faeces light up.......
Submitted by: giorgiss
I scored 556 in a cricket match today. I could have scored more, but after nearly 6 hours at the crease my wife insisted I let my son have a bat.
Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife kept telling me I should show my son a bit more affection.
So now I pat it on the head when I get home from work.Submitted by: giorgiss
I complained to my newsagent that my paperboy is coming earlier every morning.
He's promised me my next one will have more stamina.Submitted by: giorgiss
Advice for the day:
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."Submitted by: giorgiss
I said to my son, "what you doing?"
"Maths homework."
I said, "Give us a question."
"What's the lowest common denominator?"
I said, "You'll never find it, they were looking for that when I was at school."Submitted by: giorgiss
My daughter's just hit the age where she asks questions about everything.
What are you doing daddy? Why is that inside me daddy? Why does it taste funny daddy?
It's hard feeding your kids vegetables.Submitted by: giorgiss
I feel sorry for kids nowadays, especially when they see a toy advertised on television.
They want it but can't have it because their parents have to be 18 or older to buy it.Submitted by: giorgiss
My neighbours' kids were building a snowman, and asked me for a carrot and two lumps of coal.
The way kids are these days, I suppose it was a bit naive of me to expect that they'd use them for its face.Submitted by: giorgiss
I tried to begin the magic, by telling my kids just like in the advert on TV...
I peeled back the paper revealing the writing, "We're going to Disneyland...."
They were so excited until I removed it entirely, and it said "...Paris."Submitted by: giorgiss
