What's the best present to get a dying child?
A dying puppy.Submitted by: giorgiss
When I was a toddler, someone gave me a little Tea Set as a gift, and it was one of my favourite toys. My father was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of tea, which was just water, of course.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mum came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!"
My Mum waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy.
She watches him drink it up and then says, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that a toddler can reach to get water is the toilet?"Submitted by: giorgiss
A recent survey, carried out in Scotland, proved that the first child to be born in a family is USUALLY the MOST INTELLIGENT child within that particular family.
American researchers (not wanting to be outdone) took this study one step forward and proved that the first child to be born in a family is ALWAYS the ELDEST child within that particular family.Submitted by: giorgiss
I've just been in McDonald's and I've seen four girls who have the face of a 12 year old and the body of a girl who's name ends in .jpg
Submitted by: giorgiss
They say that children are our most valuable natural resource.
I agree. In fact, I've already started drilling.Submitted by: giorgiss
Shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother went out to the hairdressers.
Father stayed home to care for their son, soon the baby started crying.
The father did everything possible to stop the crying, but the baby wouldn't stop.
Worried he took the baby to the doctors.
The Doctor examined the baby's ears, chest then down to the nappy area.
When he undid the nappy, he found the nappy was full.
"Here's the problem", the Dr said, "he needs to be changed."
The father was perplexed," but the nappy packaging says it good for upto 10lbs."Submitted by: giorgiss
I really hate reading the kids a bedtime story when my wife's too tired to do it. Tonight should be the last time though - I'm reading them the Exorcist.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I was so ugly as a child that I had a tinted incubator.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"Submitted by: giorgiss
I overheard my son and daughter complaining the other day that I act more like a boss than a father towards them.
So I've invited them both to a disciplinary hearing at 10.00 next Monday morning.Submitted by: giorgiss
