I couldn't get to sleep last night. There were loud noises outside, and I kept tossing and turning, but I just couldn't get comfortable, I was hot, then freezing, then itchy, it was unbearable.
Then I thought of the children in Haiti who have been forced to sleep on what's left of their streets..
And then I thought, great, now I have an erection to add to my list of distractions.Submitted by: giorgiss
I've got three kids, ten, eight and five. Weird names, I know.
Submitted by: giorgiss
The other day my six-year-old son said: "When I grow up, I want to get the highest score on Sickipedia."
I said: "You can't do both."Submitted by: giorgiss
Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.
They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."
Without a moment's hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."Submitted by: giorgiss
A man arrives home from work and finds his wife stressed because the kids had been running wild all day.
She asks if he would take them out for a pizza.
He told the kids to go into the garage. He followed them. A few moments later the wife hears two loud bangs.
The guy comes back into the house and asks "Where's my pizza?"Submitted by: giorgiss
When I was a kid, we all played spin the bottle. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a penny.
By the time I was 16 I owned my own house.Submitted by: giorgiss
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,
"This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a 2 pound coin in one hand and two 50ps in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
"Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the two 50ps and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy next to an ice cream van.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take two 50ps instead of the 2 pound coin?"
The boy licked his ice cream cone and replied,
"Because, the day I take the 2 pound coin, the game is over."Submitted by: giorgiss
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife claims that I treat one of our kids unfairly.
"Which one?" I replied, "James Junior, or the girl one?"Submitted by: giorgiss
What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch?
Names.Submitted by: giorgiss
