Jokes in category: “money”:

NatWest have installed the first ever cash machine in a tree in Epping Forest.
If it proves successful, they might open them in other branches.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I won $2 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
Now I have $ 1,999,999.75.

Submitted by: giorgiss

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked it and took the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

Submitted by: giorgiss

My wife told me if she ever won the Lottery she wouldn't give me a penny and she'd move out of the country.
Little does she know I've been using the same numbers as her for 5 years.
That'll wipe the smile off her fat face

Submitted by: giorgiss

I've got some reliable inside information about Apple's next product.
I won't be able to afford it.

Submitted by: giorgiss

A new report found that the U.K spends more than 1 billion on redundant government programs.
Another report found that the U.K spends more than 1 billion on redundant government programs

Submitted by: giorgiss

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.

Submitted by: giorgiss

A man complains to his wife saying, "We're so poor we can't even afford punchlines to our jokes!"
And she says

Submitted by: giorgiss

My mate asked, "What would you do if you had Richard Branson's money?"
I said, "Probably spend it before he noticed it was missing."

Submitted by: giorgiss

Do Americanisms lose something and sound less cool when you use them in England?
Well, that's the 652,848 question.

Submitted by: giorgiss