In future I'm going to Sainsbury's to buy their own brand of condoms
Apparently you can really Taste The Difference.Submitted by: giorgiss
I lost my grandad the other day. He's not dead, he's in Ikea.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Recently, I came in to some money.
I wonder if they'll still accept it at the shop?Submitted by: giorgiss
TK Maxx have had to withdraw their promotion on coats this week
A spokesman said, "it's a shame, we could have made a killing on these..."Submitted by: giorgiss
A man goes into a pet shop and sees a talking dog. After chatting to it for ten minutes he buys it. Later he goes into a pub and says, 'I bet everyone fifty bucks that this dog can talk.' A few people take the bet, but the dog remains silent and the man is forced to pay out. Puzzled, the man takes the dog home, where it starts chatting away again. Next day the man returns to the pub and bets everyone a hundred bucks that the dog can talk. To the man's amazement the dog remains silent. After paying out on his bets the man takes the dog outside and says, 'I'm taking you back to the shop. You're absolutely useless!' 'Wise up,' says the dog. 'Think of the odds we'll get tomorrow.'
Submitted by: giorgiss
I've given up buying CD's for life. I will only buy records from this day onwards.
And that's Vinyl.Submitted by: giorgiss
News : 'Man Killed In Zip Wire Accident'.
That's what happens when you buy trousers from Primark.Submitted by: giorgiss
So the Queen Vic has been burnt down, Won't be long until a Tesco Express pops up then.
Submitted by: giorgiss
In the 17th Century the 'black market' was a different thing all together.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.
Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"
Me: "Certainly, what width?"
Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Uh, Scissors?"Submitted by: giorgiss
