Jokes in category: “advice”:

Kids, save your parents money on purchasing a 'Fanta Frozen' by instead getting a normal bottle of Fanta and putting it in the freezer.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I regularly drive to the pub, but am never guilty of drink driving.
The secret is to consume so much alcohol that by closing time you have
completely forgotten ever owning a car.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Boy 1 : We Broke Up, But were still going to be friends
Boy 2 : Thats like your dog dying and your mum telling you that you can keep it

Submitted by: giorgiss

I hate being asked for directions in the street. So I usually just make something up, like - "Take a right at the traffic lights. Go down the 2nd turning on the left and you can't miss it".
Then hope I never see them ever again.
It's not always easy being a copper.

Submitted by: giorgiss

when deciding whether to spit or swallow, always remember that you are what you eat.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Don't let anyone instruct you to rest a fist on your hip whilst you're sat on a table.
No one wants to be made to look like a mug.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Being dragged to dinner at the in-laws by the missus?
Help yourself to a spicy curry with a little bit of laxative before you go, thus avoiding being dragged there ever again.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Victims of car clampers.
Try being gone for more than two minutes.That's obviously the time in which most cars get clamped according to you.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I wish I was as good at burying bodies as I am at burying jokes, anyone know a good lawyer?

Submitted by: giorgiss

If you see a black cat later on, im going to kick it under a ladder into a mirror and then throw a salt shaker at it.

Submitted by: giorgiss