I decided it was time to tell my 8 year old son he's adopted.
The wife didn't approve, but I can't resist a good prank.Submitted by: giorgiss
My girlfriend told me that I sometimes treat her like a child. I didn't know how to react...
...so I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.Submitted by: giorgiss
Me and my mate double teamed my daughter last night.
She ran away crying saying it was the most unfair wrestling match ever.Submitted by: giorgiss
As a keen enviromentalist, I, like most people, only wash my hands when there's someone else in the bathroom at the same time.
Submitted by: giorgiss
And there we were, 2 against 2000... boy did we slaughter those 2.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Mum: What are you gonna gift grandma for her birthday?
Boy: Football
Mum: But your grandma doesn't play football!
Boy: On my birthday she gave me books.Submitted by: giorgiss
I got a detention at school today after responding to the teacher with "that's what she said". She then proceeded to tell me to think long and hard about what I do in life.
I now have another detention.Submitted by: giorgiss
I have fancied this girl at work for some time but never really spoke to her too much, finally I plucked up the courage to ask her out for a drink and she said to me "I like a gentleman with a sophisticated sense of humour, I have a boyfriend already and he is much wittier than you could ever be"
I was angry and thought carefully for a moment before my response......
"Well your boyfriend is a big smelly poo poo head"Submitted by: giorgiss
I texted my wife today saying "I love u".
She replied "Oh, really? :)"
And I said "Yes, it's my favourite vowel".Submitted by: giorgiss
To stop her four-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat.
"I won't do it any more, Mummy," says the daughter.
Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man.
"If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mummy?"
"You'll be fatter than that," says her mother.
They get on a bus and, sitting opposite them, is a very pregnant lady.
The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly.
The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl. "Excuse me, but do you know me?"
And the little girl says, "No, but I know what you've been doing!"Submitted by: giorgiss
