My wife came home to find me sniffing my daughter's knickers the other day.
Wouldn't have been so bad if my daughter wasn't wearing them at the time!Submitted by: giorgiss
I was giving my daughter a bath last night.
She looked up at me, all covered in soapy suds and said, "Daad, I'm 16. I can do it myself."Submitted by: giorgiss
Seeing grandparents at Christmas is brilliant; it reminds you that, no matter how bad you get, there's always someone more racist than you.
Submitted by: giorgiss
When ever I eat out at McDonald's, I like to have a Happy Meal...
So I leave the wife and kids at home.Submitted by: giorgiss
When a man holds a car door open for his wife...
...it's either a new car or a new wife.Submitted by: giorgiss
My old man always used to say to me, " Son, when one door closes, another one always opens."
I guess that's why we got burgled so often.Submitted by: giorgiss
Got no comeback for that one have you mate?
Well if you want my come back, just wipe it off your mum's chin!Submitted by: giorgiss
For about ten years now, it's been my job to give my gran her pill every day.
She hates taking her pill, so I mix it in with her morning coffee.
It's tedious making coffee and putting the pill in every morning, but if she got pregnant I'd never forgive myself.Submitted by: giorgiss
She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast when he walked in.
She turned and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."
His eyes lit up and he thought, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove. More than a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."Submitted by: giorgiss
When meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time, it's hard not to think to yourself...
"I've licked your daughter's nipples."Submitted by: giorgiss
