My old Grandad used to say, "Fight fire with fire."
It's no wonder the fire brigade sacked him.Submitted by: giorgiss
During an argument with my Grandad, he screamed, "You'd be speaking German if it wasn't for me!"
I said, "Hang on, you didn't fight in the war."
"I know that," he replied, "But I told you to choose French for your languages GCSE, remember?"Submitted by: giorgiss
My 8 year old son got the Sims for Christmas, he was showing me around his house where he showed me his wife sleeping in her bed, in the kitchen. I'm so proud of that boy.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I always put my coat on to answer the door just in case it's any of my in-laws, then I can say; "Sorry, I was just on my way out" and barge past them.
Submitted by: giorgiss
When I was younger my Grandma used to rub lard into my Grandpa's back when he was ill.
He went down hill fast after that.Submitted by: giorgiss
In case you wondered, Father's Day is to thank Dad for nailing your mother.
Mother's Day is to thank Mum for not swallowing you.Submitted by: giorgiss
Today I realised that I had succeeded as a father, I caught my son watching a Pixie Lott song on mute.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I come from a really poor family, we never had any money. If I hadn't been a boy, I'd never have had anything to play with.
Submitted by: giorgiss
It's my son's first school nativity play today, and it's the proudest day of my life.
I've finally won the Champion's League on Football Manager. I can't wait till he gets home from school so I can tell him about it.Submitted by: giorgiss
My Grandad always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day, while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my Grandad.Submitted by: giorgiss
