Just dropped my little one off at the school gates.
Don't know why. He works nowhere near the school.Submitted by: giorgiss
I'm not a violent person and I certainly don't agree with hitting kids. I've never laid a single finger on my son.
I've stuck a couple up my daughter though.Submitted by: giorgiss
"Daddy, why is mum zig-zagging down the garden?"
"Quiet son, I'm trying to aim."Submitted by: giorgiss
When my older brother and I were little we were always playing Robin Hood. Only thing was, he was always Robin Hood and I had to be Little John.
After a while I got sick of this and told him I wasn't playing any more.
"Ok" he said. "We'll play a different game and you can be Robin."
"Brilliant" I said. "Who are you gonna be?"
"Batman" he said.Submitted by: giorgiss
During a blazing row with my youngest son, he turned to me and screamed, "I wish I was adopted".
Well, its taken six months and a lot of paperwork, but finally I've managed to make his wish come true.Submitted by: giorgiss
My husband wanted a campervan.
So I had his white van spray painted pink!Submitted by: giorgiss
A 54 year old accountant informs his wife he is leaving her for an 18 year old girl. His wife, also 54 informs him that she also has a new 18 year old partner and being an accountant he must realise that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 into 18.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Two old ladies are having a cigarette outside the old folks home and it starts to rain. One of them suddenly pulls a condom out of her handbag, unravels it and puts it over the cigarette so it doesn't get wet.
"Ooh, what's that, Betty?" the other asks.
"It's called a condom, they sell them at the chemist's dear," she answers.
So the other goes to the chemist's and, when asked for a condom by such an elderly lady and seeing an opportunity for mirth, the young oik behind the counter smirks and asks, "so what would you like, a ribbed one, a French tickler, flavoured?"
"Oh, I don't mind, dear, as long as it fits a Camel."Submitted by: giorgiss
A young boy comes home with an armchair under each arm and a sofa strapped to his back.
His father is furious and says, "how many times have I told you not to accept suites from strangers?"Submitted by: giorgiss
I hate it when couples have a little argument and the girlfriend changes her Facebook status to 'single'.
I mean, I have arguments with my parents all the time, you don't see me changing my status to 'orphan'.Submitted by: giorgiss
