"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
Submitted by: giorgiss
There's nothing more awkward than beating your family on a Wii game that requires the remote to be vigorously jerked back and forth, only for your mother to ask you "Have you been practicing?"
Submitted by: giorgiss
When I asked my Gran what she wanted for Christmas, she replied, "The best present I could ask for is to be surrounded by my friends."
Well, we've just got back from the cemetery and she doesn't seem too happy.Submitted by: giorgiss
I was mortified when my son caught me walking around the bedroom in high heels and women's underwear.
I don't know why, I'm his mother.Submitted by: giorgiss
My parents couldn't tell the time.
When I'd come home from a date, they'd always say, "Do you have any idea what time it is?"Submitted by: giorgiss
Me and my family buried my Grandma this morning...
Her jokes just weren't good enoughSubmitted by: giorgiss
On a train from London to Manchester an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stiff. You set yourself apart too much. You think your stiff upper lips make you above the rest of us. Look at me... Im me. I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?"
The Englishman replied, "Very sporting of your mother."Submitted by: giorgiss
At the age of six I was left an orphan.
What kind of idiot gives an orphan to a six-year-old?Submitted by: giorgiss
I have had the mother in law down for the weekend.
I'll put her back on the roof tomorrow.Submitted by: giorgiss
My missus accused me of caring more about my fantasy football team than my own kids.
In my defence, I had Rio Ferdinand, John Terry, Ashley Cole and Glen Johnson.Submitted by: giorgiss
