When my dog does something wrong in the house I rub his face in it... I use the same system for my girlfriend. That's the last time she forgets to clean the oven...
Submitted by: giorgiss
My son was misbehaving in a shop the other day when me and the wife took him shopping, so I slapped him hard across the back of the legs and told him he had been very naughty.
The wife said "You shouldn't do that you know."
"Why not?" I replied, "He's my son."
"Because he's 24."Submitted by: giorgiss
My spouse absconded from me as a result of my impulsion to utilise a synonym reference book upon the entirety of my colloquy
Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife told me to lighten up the other day. "You're always so stiff and formal."
I can tell you the defecation certainly encountered the rotary oscillator.Submitted by: giorgiss
When I was a kid, I was looking inside my dad's closet and I was shocked to find out that he secretly stashed pantyhose in a special drawer.
And even though it took him a while, eventually he was able convince me that he only uses it when he robs banks and breaks into apartments.Submitted by: giorgiss
Just watching'children in need'or visiting my kids who live with my ex as it's supposed to be called.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Wife asked me why the PC volume is always at zero when she switches it on in a morning.
"Windows default love," I said. Quite convincingly.Submitted by: giorgiss
When the kids left after coming over to wish me a happy Father's Day,I said to the wife that this had been the best Father's Day yet.
"I'm so happy for you"she said.
"It only cost me 200 quid this year"I told her.Submitted by: giorgiss
Had a great day at the beach with all the family. The kids buried their mother in the sand, we all had ice cream and rides on the donkeys and, at the end of the day we packed up and walked back to the car.
That's when my daughter said "What about mum?"
I said "It's ok, we'll come back next weekend and see if we can find her."Submitted by: giorgiss
Losing one parent is unlucky.
Losing the other is just careless.Submitted by: giorgiss
