I was walking through town today and a tramp said to me, "Hi mate. Have you got any loose change?"
I jingled my pocket and said, "No, it's all nice and secure."Submitted by: giorgiss
'JK Rowling writes first book for adults'.
Nonsense. I have loads of adult books, all of them written by other authors.Submitted by: giorgiss
Bob is sitting on a train staring dreamily at the guy across from him.
"Hey," says the guy, "why are you staring at me?"
"Whether you believe it or not," says Bob, "you are the spitting image of my wife. Except for the beard."
"I don't have a beard," says the guy.
"No, but the wife does."Submitted by: giorgiss
I was sat in a cafe earlier when a blonde looked up to catch me watching her eat her banana.
She started sucking on it, gave me a wink and said, "Teasing you, am I?"
"You sure are" I replied, "I could murder a banana right now."Submitted by: giorgiss
My girlfriend asked me, "If you could have any super-power, which one would you have?" I said, "America."
Submitted by: giorgiss
My girlfriend rang me; "Is everything okay, babe? You seem a bit off."
"You're too fat" I said, "I want you to lose a few stone."
"Well if that's the way you feel, I won't be round anymore."
Good girl, I knew she'd give it a go.Submitted by: giorgiss
The police were at my door,
"Mr Smith, we want to interview you about raping a girl on a seaside bouncy castle. What do you have to say?"
"What a fun but unusual way to be interviewed."Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife had hiccups this morning.
"Sometimes a shock works" she moaned.
"Ok" I said. "Are you ready? 1... 2... 3..."
And I told her I was moving in with my secretary.Submitted by: giorgiss
I was walking with my Husky this morning when we were approached by a strange looking fellow.
"That dog would make me a lovely coat!" He evilly laughed whilst rubbing his hands together.
"I doubt it mate" I replied, "he's never even used a sewing machine."Submitted by: giorgiss
I asked the wife earlier what she wanted for Christmas.
"Oooh, I don't know. Maybe something cool, sparkly and tasteful," she said with a wink.
Excellent I thought. Bottle of 7 Up it is then.Submitted by: giorgiss
