After watching 'One born every minute' it reminded me of the horrifying experience when my wife gave birth to our first child,
The midwife was a dwarf...Submitted by: giorgiss
My french neighbour and I got talking, she said "I grab 'appiness whenever possible."
Sounds like my kind of slag.Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife expects far too much from me.This morning she shouted, before she left for work, "Remember to get cat's litter."
Now I have to follow some fat tart around Albert Square hoping she drops some empty crisp packets.Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife said, "Do you fancy a three-some?"
With a smile on my face I said, "Yeah."
"Good," she said. "Because my mother's moving in."Submitted by: giorgiss
My teacher asked, "Can anyone name a sport that begins with a 'Q'?"
I said, "Yes, the marathon."Submitted by: giorgiss
Before my big job interview,I asked my mate in H.R If he had any tips.
"First impressions count,so make it a good one" he said.
After the interview,he rang me to see how I went on.
"It could have gone better,I dont think I will get it though" I sighed.
"What makes you say that?"
"I tried too hard with my first impression.My Simon Cowell bombed,so I tried my Bruce Forsyth but I had already lost them by that stage I think".Submitted by: giorgiss
I sent my new girlfriend a handmade card through the post and she called the police...
On reflection, using letters cut from a newspaper probably gave her the wrong impression.Submitted by: giorgiss
I have finally decided that it is time to put the family dog down.
My arms are starting to ache.Submitted by: giorgiss
I was sat on a busy train with my satchel on the seat next to me. An old woman approached and said sarcastically, "Your bag must be exhausted".
"Sorry" I replied. "I'll move it".
So I turned to my pregnant wife standing nearby and suggested she check the next carriage.Submitted by: giorgiss
I got thrown out of a restaurant in America the other day.
Apparently it wasn't the kind of tip she wanted.Submitted by: giorgiss
