After being late for three days in a row my boss went,"Three days now,don't you have a watch?"
I went,"No but I do have a broken stopwatch."
He went," That doesn't count."
I went,"I know but it used to."Submitted by: giorgiss
I saw a man wandering into the woods behind my house last night wearing an old hockey mask and carrying a machete.
Hope he found his way home...poor fella.Submitted by: giorgiss
I was building a Sleigh in Lap Land last night, when a Chinese woman approached me and said, "Excuse me, are you Finnish?"
I said, "No, I've only just started!"Submitted by: giorgiss
I just went to the shop and brought Flora light.
Now I can see my margerine in the dark.Submitted by: giorgiss
My local estate agent offered to sell my house for free.
Now I have no money and nowhere to live.Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife said, "You can win free shoes for a year @shoezone.com."
I said, "That's ok if you're Heather Mills, I suppose."Submitted by: giorgiss
The judge kept interrupting me when I was speaking in court.
I stood up and shouted, "Can I finish my sentence?"
Not the best thing to say when you're applying for parole.Submitted by: giorgiss
I was at the gym and asked the guy next to me if he'd be my spotter while I'm lifting.
As I pulled my trousers down he punched me at the urinal.Submitted by: giorgiss
I went to the dentist to have a tooth removed
"Would you like to keep the tooth?" He asked
"Ok, yes please" I said
So he left it in thereSubmitted by: giorgiss
The cashier at the grocery store asked me if I would like to buy a reusable bag that's environmentally friendly. I had to decline.
My wife was already at home taking care of the garden.Submitted by: giorgiss
