I said to girlfriend, "Everybody thinks I'm too sarcastic."
She said, "What makes you say that?"
I said, "My mouth."Submitted by: giorgiss
Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day.
But get him an incapacity benefit form and he can have takeaways every night for life.Submitted by: giorgiss
"The death of a 10-year-old boy who was found hanging in woods appeared to be a 'tragic accident'," police have said.
Yes, I can empathise with that, I remember walking home at night once and almost stumbling into a field of noose trees, nearly went headfirst into one, at least they could put up warning signs.Submitted by: giorgiss
I noticed in the song, "Do They Know It's Christmas?" there's a line that says, 'and there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time'.
Well, I'm no weather forecaster but I don't know many areas in the Southern Hemisphere that are going to get a lot of snow at all during their summer.Submitted by: giorgiss
I finally found the true meaning of xmas today.
It's for people who can't spell Christmas.Submitted by: giorgiss
Apparently if you eat too much of one food, it will change your skin colour to match
I don't believe it though, if it was true then Africans would all be invisibleSubmitted by: giorgiss
"LSD 'helps alcoholics to give up drinking'"
In the same way that a bullet helps you give up oxygen.Submitted by: giorgiss
Comic Relief and Walkers Crisps have teamed up to raise money by using celebrities with witty names for their flavours:
Stephen Fry Up
Jimmy con Carrne
Steak and Al Pie
Frank Roast Dinner
You know why they never chose David Seaman?
Because he's a footballer not a comedian.Submitted by: giorgiss
I was wondering what that strange thing in the air was today, that blew my coffee over and made me lose my cigarette on my break at work. But thanks to my friends on Facebook with status updates, I have now found out it is windy outside.
Submitted by: giorgiss
"Secret Services should be less secret" says some government bod.
We're hardly going to scare terrorists off with "Slightly Vague Services" though.Submitted by: giorgiss
