How come in the obituaries you never read "Died gasping for air and clinging onto the nurses arm with a look of terror on his face."
Submitted by: giorgiss
Wife: "It's started snowing outside"
Husband: "Good. I hate it when it snows inside".Submitted by: giorgiss
My boss screamed at me this morning.
"It's the fifth time you're late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!"
I said, "Probably that it's Friday."Submitted by: giorgiss
Johnsons baby: New formula designed to be soft on skin
As opposed to the last formula which was designed to cut gaping wounds in your baby?Submitted by: giorgiss
No water, no fuel, no England captain, no England manager, and no jobs.
I'd write a letter of complaint if I could afford a stamp.Submitted by: giorgiss
I'm dreading the weekend, I've got to go to my mother's cremation.
Or Sunday lunch, as she calls it.Submitted by: giorgiss
So apparently teachers can tell which kids are going to be troublemakers just by looking at their name.
So can I.
Whenever I see Mohammed, Abdul, and Amir, for example, I can tell they aren't gonna be angels.Submitted by: giorgiss
So, I was working Yesterday and a chap in a wheelchair came into the shop, I was wearing my england shirt.
He said "I dont understand why people wear football shirts when they are not playing football"
I replied "I dont understand why people in Wheelchairs wear running trainers when they can't run"Submitted by: giorgiss
Me and my girl plan to recreate every position from the Kama Sutra tonight using only Lego bricks.
The excitement is building.Submitted by: giorgiss
"5ft 7 Tom Cruise to act as 6ft 5 man mountain in new movie"
Well, if CGI can make monkeys talk, blue aliens, and entire worlds, I'm sure they can make it look like Tom Cruise can act.Submitted by: giorgiss
