Last night my Amish mate went,''My back is killing me,do you have any advice?''
I went,''Mate you made your own bed,you sleep in it.''Submitted by: giorgiss
My mate has just changed his name to 'Blackpool'.
He's got some front that lad.Submitted by: giorgiss
They say if you hang around them for long enough, they will eventually be your friend.
Imagine my surprise when the restraining order came through.Submitted by: giorgiss
I often hear people say "if I was in their position I probably would have done the same thing".
Which brings me to an interesting question: If I were an undertaker...Submitted by: giorgiss
Oranges and lemons say the bells of St Clements.
Proof, if ever it were needed, that God works in mysterious ways.Submitted by: giorgiss
If I had a penny for every time I walked past a penny without picking it up, I'd have loads of pennies.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I got arrested shoplifting from ASDA today.
The police wouldn't accept my alibi that all the lemons I stole were given to me by life.Submitted by: giorgiss
I built my house from the ground up.
I usually find that's the best way to do it.Submitted by: giorgiss
When one door closes, another one opens. except in prison.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Whenever I hear people say "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never harm me." I always think
"Sticks?"Submitted by: giorgiss
