It's not who you know,
...it's whom you know.Submitted by: giorgiss
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Submitted by: giorgiss
"You know how sometimes you get a song stuck in your head and can't get it out? OK, now imagine the song is a tumour."
--Insensitive DoctorSubmitted by: giorgiss
Thought: Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Submitted by: giorgiss
Shoplifting from River Island?
Been there. Done that. Got the T-shirtSubmitted by: giorgiss
I wanted to see what my cat looked like from the inside, so I cut him open.
Unfortunately he died. Curiosity eh?Submitted by: giorgiss
Give a monkey a typewriter and he may type out the works of Shakespeare, but give an educated man a laptop and, odds are, he will look at naked women.
Submitted by: giorgiss
My mum always said, "Never use two words when one will do."
Why didn't she just say, "Avoid verbosity"?Submitted by: giorgiss
Why did the clock phone the ruler?
Because desperate times call for desperate measures....Submitted by: giorgiss
I accidentally locked my coat hanger in my car today.
Luckily for me, I had my keys.Submitted by: giorgiss
