Jokes in category: “work”:

What is it about people who repair shoes that makes them so good at cutting keys?

Submitted by: giorgiss

My boss phoned me today.
He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"
I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favour?" he asked.
I said, "Of course, what is it?"
He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."

Submitted by: giorgiss

A guy at work asked, "Do you watch the Apprentice?"
I said, "Thank god, I'm not the only one, I actually found myself sneaking in to watch her on the toilet last week."
I'm off down the job centre in the morning.

Submitted by: giorgiss

You know it's been a good office party when your P45 arrives at your house before you do.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I saw a billboard on the way to work this morning that read "Future Events."
Well, that's a sign of things to come.

Submitted by: giorgiss

Wanted: Security guard to work one night shift, every six months.
Excellent pay
Location: Antarctica
Hours per shift: 4,032

Submitted by: giorgiss

I saw a woman lying unconscious in the High Street today. People were just walking past and ignoring her.
My mate asked, "Why has no-one stopped to help her? It's disgusting."
I said, "Well that's society today, I'm afraid. Poor woman, people just don't care any more... Anyway, fancy something to eat... Stick the sirens on and we'll get through the traffic before McDonald's stops doing breakfast."

Submitted by: giorgiss

The company I work for state clearly in the protocol that they do not tolerate racism in the workplace.
Apparently they don't tolerate it in the car park either.

Submitted by: giorgiss

I did some odd jobs around the house today.
I vacuumed the ceiling, painted the oven and built a new door-way.

Submitted by: giorgiss

My family think I'm a bike stunts-man.
"Always pulling wheelies," I tell them.
The sad truth is, I'm a bin-man.

Submitted by: giorgiss