My boss went balilstic yesterday because i popped out to buy some cigaretes from the nearest high street.
Mind you, he does have a point.
I work on an oil rig.Submitted by: giorgiss
I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow.
Submitted by: giorgiss
I said to my boss this morning, "sorry I'm late, there was a big pile-up on the Highway 61."
He replied, "But that's thousands of miles away in America."
"I know, I was watching it on the news."Submitted by: giorgiss
I'm constantly having to separate fact from fiction.
I hate being a Librarian.Submitted by: giorgiss
I went to the art gallery today and saw some still life.
Council workmen were on a job outside.Submitted by: giorgiss
I walked into the pet shop yesterday and saw an old mate working there. I said, "alright Davey, don't you work in Burger King anymore then?"
"Nah, moved on since then. What can I get you?"
"Glad to hear it. I'm looking for a tropical frog."
"Do you want flies with that?"Submitted by: giorgiss
I went for a job interview today.
The bloke said, "where do you see yourself in ten years' time?"
I said, "same as now - in photos and mirrors".Submitted by: giorgiss
My wife's dentist says "she has the best set of teeth he has ever come across."
What does he mean?Submitted by: giorgiss
I used to have a job working backstage in a strip club, it was 25 pounds an hour.
I know that sounds like a lot, but i could afford it at the time.Submitted by: giorgiss
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.Submitted by: giorgiss
